Ldysabella (ldysabella) wrote,

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Second Guessing Myself

So I wrote a nice little missive to the Friday night gaming group coming clean on not having been happy for a while now. I honestly cited being bored with 4.0, wanting a more involving story that I could actually be a part of, and not being thrilled with all hack n' slash all the time. I also tried to explain that I can't separate out four people talking at once. It can get really chaotic when they go off on a tangent and hearing aids make stuff louder not clearer. I said I would love to do card, or board or video games with them at other times. That was a couple days ago. Nobody has replied.

I guess I shouldn't read anything into it, but I feel hurt and frustrated. It's like when on their Internet radio show they talked about one of my acquaintance known to them in a different capacity through another social group. They went on about how fat, gross, and smelly she is. I couldn't believe we were talking about the same person and told them so, but she has a rather unique name. I felt so very bad for her, and I couldn't help but wonder if they felt the same about me.

I guess I should just let it go. It's very frustrating that the DM has these wonderful ideas, and because of the possibility of the cry of favoritism being raised, I'm only ever a bit player. What really pisses me off is the people he spends so much time and energy on to get involved couldn't care less.

In the mean time, I feel more cut off and isolated than ever.
Tags: d&d 4.0, dm, over thinking, rpg, story
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